Karen B. Walant, PH.D., L.C.S.W.

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Comfort and Joy: 7 Ways to Cure Your Holiday Loneliness

The holidays are meant to be a time of festivities and celebration.

If you're among the many who dread this season, this is not always the case.

The holidays can stir up a profound yet unwelcome sense of loneliness. Maybe you've experienced this for yourself. Family gatherings and parties often run rampant with social comparisons and judgments about life status. Fueling your own insecurities, these juxtapositions tend to produce feelings of isolation, loneliness, and an increased sense of self-inadequacy .

Whether by circumstance or choice, simply being alone during the holidays can hang a dark cloud overhead. Try these keys to lessen your holiday loneliness during this season.

1. Recognize Your Loneliness

Denying your feelings of loneliness will only feed into the negativity. In other words, the less you admit your loneliness the more lonely you feel.

Do yourself a favor and admit that these feelings do exist. Keep in mind that being alone and feeling lonely are two different things. Solitude can be rejuvenating while loneliness tends to be more debilitating. Once you have identified your feelings, try adding a dose of self-compassion — understanding how it is that you are lonely at this time in your life, or comforting yourself by noting how the holidays can bring a more acute pain to days that you usually can get through. Then, utilize a crucial DBT skill ( dialectical behavioral therapy) of employing Opposite Action. Side by side with the feeling of loneliness, move away from your isolation by briefly changing your behavior. Use one or more of the steps listed below, and do it ALL the way, bringing your social anxiety, your doubts, your discomfort, with you while you take action. See what happens — for many people, just doing something, rather than staying in the discomfort, can bring a tiny bit of relief for a tiny moment. Perhaps that will happen for you, too.

2. Socialize

Although many people are busy with the holiday hustle and bustle, make a point to stay socially active. Interacting with others has a powerful impact on keeping loneliness at bay.

Going to lunch with a friend or grabbing coffee with your sibling can help to cure your holiday loneliness. Whatever activity you choose to do, be sure that it gets you out of the house and interacting with people.

3. Confide in a Friend

Loneliness is incredibly difficult to handle by yourself. When you talk with a trusted friend or family member, you expose the negative feelings, per se.

If you don't have someone in your life that you trust, find a therapist or spiritual counselor you can talk with.

Be honest with the people in which you confide. Share your true feelings. To help you cure your holiday loneliness, tell them what you need and ask for their support.

4. Avoid the Holiday Hype

With every commercial and Hallmark special, you'll undoubtedly be exposed to the "picture perfect holiday."

Most of us would love a beautifully decorated house with a perfectly functional family eating flawlessly decorated sugar cookies. It might come as a shock—to Hallmark at least—but this isn't reality.

Seeing this type of impossible perfection portrayed at every corner can quickly lead to a sense of loneliness and inadequacy. Spare yourself the grief and keep reality in sight.

5. Increase Your Self-Care Routine

Now more than ever is the time to bump up your self-care routine. Unfortunately, the holidays fall during the coldest and darkest time of the year.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is common during this season which can manifest into feelings of loneliness.

Make sure that you stick to a regime of eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and exercising. Also, indulge in an activity that makes you feel satisfied like reading or playing an instrument.

6. Maintain Healthy Expectations

Along with keeping the holiday hype in check, remember to have healthy expectations for the holidays, as well.

For instance, if your family is usually quiet and withdrawn don't expect them to be overly expressive and excited for family gatherings.

As much as we'd like them too, the holiday season doesn't magically transform people into a different version of themselves.

7. Celebrate in a Different Way

If attending family gatherings or work parties are getting you down then change it up.

Try going on a trip over the holidays or plan your vacation during this season.

Getting away might not be possible,  so why not volunteer at a shelter or food line. Doing for others who are struggling also, can lessen the sense that only you are having a hard time this holiday. By giving of yourself to others, you are building a connection to increasing your own sense of meaningfulness, which can lessen loneliness one degree at a time.

A change of scenery does wonders for a change in perspective, especially when struggling to cure your holiday loneliness.

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While the holidays can prove to be a challenging time, avoid dealing with loneliness by yourself. Reach out for support from friends, family, or even a therapist.

In looking for a way to better manage loneliness during this holiday season, please contact me. Together we can create an individualized treatment plan to help you cope more effectively. Or, visit here to learn more about how I can help.