You always choose your loved one first. Yet, when faced with their addiction, your loved one always picks their vices over you. 

It is as if they have left you standing on a platform, watching them depart on a ship headed out to an abyss. You probably feel both abandoned and helpless. 

Dealing with a loved one’s addiction is painful. 

You might find that despite your efforts, your loved one still falls victim to their addiction. It is as if they are slipping through your grasp, fading from the person you know and love into a shell of themselves. 

Faced with this cruel cycle, you’ve come to the moment where you can’t ignore, hide from, or downplay the reality of their addiction. All of the hurt has piled into a wall that separates you from them, and each day it grows taller.

What now? 

Love Buckets and Addiction

Imagine that your love is stored in a bucket within your heart. You often want to freely give out the love from your bucket to those who you care for. Emptying your love bucket for others is a wonderful thing, but only when that love bucket is being replenished in return. 

Unfortunately, when faced with addiction, your loved one isn’t equipped with the ability to replenish your love bucket. They are trapped within their addiction and empty their own love buckets into the mouth of that addiction. 

The first step to supporting the recovery of a loved one suffering from addiction is acknowledging the emotional toll of being their support system. You may wake up some days feeling like your love bucket is at the bottom of the barrel. The lack of return you've gotten from your loved one can deeply hurt. 

Hence, it is important to find your own support system to replenish the love you are not getting back from your addicted loved one. Additionally, you'll need to set healthy boundaries with your loved one.

Breaking Co-Dependency

Often, those who have a relationship with an addict—whether it be as a parent, child, friend, or spouse—find that they are at risk of developing a codependent relationship. Their efforts to care for their loved one is actually contributing to the addiction. 

This happens because as the caretaker you may take on too much responsibility for the actions of your loved ones. You may make excuses for their behaviors or help them cover up their addiction from others. Or, you may feel that whatever you do will directly affect the happiness of your loved ones. Thus, you drain yourself trying to "fix’"or make your loved ones better with little regard for your own well-being. 

These sacrifices are extremely detrimental and will likely be unhelpful to the person's recovery. Instead, focus on creating healthy boundaries that can both support your mental and emotional health while also effectively helping your loved one. 

Setting Boundaries

Your best tools when supporting a loved one who is suffering from addiction include the boundaries you set. It might seem like a form of tough-love or even harsh. However, these boundaries are actually meant to foster love and understanding. 

Some healthy boundaries to consider include:

• Encouraging your loved one to seek professional help and treatment.

• Staying positive during their low moments.

• Helping them develop a realistic plan for recovery.

• Supporting them to create small goals along the way and helping them complete those goals when you can.

• Refusing to cover for them when their addiction lands them in trouble.

Undoubtedly, addiction creates pain for everyone involved. You want to be there for your loved one, but often feel helpless as to how to steer them in the right direction.

Creating healthy boundaries provides the support your loved one needs without draining you of all of your resources. With boundaries, your loved one can work towards recovery and find independence. 

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Dealing with this condition is difficult for all those involved. If your loved one struggles with addiction, please reach out to me today. Or, visit here to learn more about how I can help.