In this rapidly changing world, keeping up with constant transformations in technology, our work, and social lives is a scary job.
It’s easy to feel paralyzed by anxiety.
You’re not a gazelle encountering a lion in the bush. You’re just giving a speech. And yet, your palms are sweating, your eyes feel like they’re popping out of your head, and your legs are wobbly.
You feel like you’re going to faint!
It’s so overwhelming that you back out of the speech. Or, you go through with it anyway, feel like a failure, and refuse to ever speak publicly again.
You want to succeed in your job, but not being able to speak is crippling your success.
Most of all, your freeze response is keeping you from living the life you want.
Fight, Flight or Freeze: Your Body’s Response to Stress
Your body and brain are designed to respond to stress automatically: fight, flight, or freeze. If you’re bigger than the problem, you fight. If it’s bigger than you, you run away. And if there’s no way to escape, you freeze.
When fight or flight does not take you to safety, your freeze response manifests in several ways. You go into a state of high alert. Your bodies freeze in fright. You may even dissociate from your bodies and the situation. And then, you may faint.
An alternative to freeze is the submissive compliant response. Just like an animal that rolls over and shows its belly and exposes its neck, you may find yourself agreeing with the person you are afraid of, or complying with requests that you know, in your heart of hearts that you should refuse.
At its most severe, the freeze response becomes the immobilization response—a re-experiencing of trauma associated with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Sometimes the freeze response is the best way to deal with trauma. The rabbit hiding in the grass may be overlooked by the fox. Numbing out or dissociating from a horrific event may keep you sane until it’s over. Or, the chemicals released in your brain by the freeze response may help you feel less pain from an injury.
But this natural immobilization system is meant to function only for a few seconds. When chronic, it’s harmful. Being paralyzed by fear drains your energy and keeps you from acting.
The Freeze Response and Social Conditioning
In animals, the freeze response causes physical collapse, stillness, and dissociation. For example, a gazelle chased by a lion first runs away. If it can’t escape, it collapses. The dissociation shields the gazelle from the pain of attack. And there’s a chance the lion will lose interest. If it does, the gazelle shakes off the intense energy of the chase and goes on with its life.
As a human, your social conditioning doesn’t let you go through the full cycle. When you’re threatened, you tend to suppress the yelling, running, fighting, and trembling. That means your bodies deal less well with stress. The next time you are threatened again, you freeze.
Over time, you begin feeling helpless and depressed. You may feel shame for complying rather than refusing. And you may blame yourself for not being able to act.
Especially if you’ve suffered a traumatic experience, your body may respond to anything that reminds you of that experience by freezing. For example, your fear of public speaking might have started from a childhood experience when you were ridiculed for speaking out.
Your freeze response to the original frightening or threatening event was automatic—and natural. But chronic freezing in response to what happened long ago is not. Constantly shutting down is no way to live.
Five Keys to Get Moving
Your freeze response means that your body is out of resources. Seeing yourself as shameful, weak, or cowardly because you were unable to act is not the answer.
Instead, find ways to keep from being blocked before you go into a freeze response. Find ways to remind yourself that you are safe after you “thaw.”
The following five keys can help you in frightening situations:
1. Attend and Befriend Your Fear
Allow yourself to feel your fear. Agree to let it be there. Notice it. Name it. Hold it. Paradoxically, giving yourself permission to feel helpless can create space for healing.
2. Attend and Befriend Your Body
During the freeze, connect with your body. Ask what it wants to do. Focus on one need at a time. Giving attention to your feelings will ease your conflict.
After the freeze, during the “thaw,” tune in to your body. Ground yourself with deep breathing, and meditation techniques. Exercise. Stretch. Stand up tall. Increase your feelings of power by carrying yourself in a confident way. Eat well. Get enough sleep.
3. Attend and Befriend Your Thoughts
Shift away from seeing the scary situation as a threat. Identify your anxiety-provoking thoughts. Do a reality check. How likely is your worst-case scenario? So, your speech may bomb. What’s the worst that could happen?
4. Attend and Befriend Yourself
The “attend” part focuses on what you can do to help yourself in this fearful situation. The “befriend” part is caring for yourself.
Your freeze response to physical and emotional threat keeps you closed up. Shifting to attend and befriend helps you open up. Ask yourself for advice. What would you tell a friend in your situation?
5. Take Action as You Are Able
If the prospect of public speaking is too much right now, decline the opportunity. Protecting yourself will help you replace your feelings of helplessness with the experience of power. Then, get help. Learn about your triggers and limiting beliefs. Make a plan to conquer your anxiety.
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Remember, you don’t have to be paralyzed by anxiety! Attend and befriend your fear, your body, your thoughts, and yourself. Act to protect yourself and to deal with your fear in the future. These 5 keys will get you moving.