If you often feel highly anxious about your romantic relationships and close friendships, you may have an anxious attachment style. People often develop anxious attachment styles in their childhoods. Perhaps a parent neglected them, or maybe they even faced abuse in their home environment. Thus, this attachment style becomes a survival mechanism.
They want to know they are loved, but they do not feel secure with those supposed to care for them. It creates a sense of tension that they cannot resolve. Their anxiety can push away those they care about, even when they desperately want them to stay. These patterns often continue into adulthood. Here are a few signs that can indicate an anxious attachment style.
Fears of Abandonment
People with anxious attachment styles often experience intense fears of abandonment. They can be highly sensitive to even mild forms of rejection. Someone with an anxious attachment style may come across as “clingy” to others.
This response is not because they do not respect others’ space and times, but because they need frequent contact and support to feel secure. It’s a coping mechanism that can briefly alleviate their anxiety. But these constant efforts at communication are not a permanent solution to these anxious emotions.
Self-Perception
If you have an anxious attachment style, you may harbor a negative perception of yourself. This mindset is not a result of a lack of positive thinking — it’s because early abandonment and neglect can have a long-lasting impact on someone’s perspective.
Those with anxious attachment styles generally have lower self-esteem. They may worry that they are not good enough for the people they keep company with. Sadly, a poor sense of self-worth is often an unavoidable aspect of having an anxious attachment style.
Lack of Fulfillment
An anxious attachment style goes hand-in-hand with a sense of yearning. We all need love and strong connections with others to survive. People with anxious attachment styles crave love from others, but find they are unable to accept it. They may feel a sense of loneliness or isolation, even when they are surrounded by people they know. At times, they may believe they are undeserving of love.
Maintaining Toxic Relationships
Someone with an anxious attachment style may put too much effort into maintaining toxic relationships. They tend to shy away from conflict because being on the receiving end of someone else’s frustration can easily trigger severe anxiety.
People with this attachment style may place a high sense of importance on romantic relationships that are no longer serving them. The fear of being abandoned, and the emotions that are stirred up when someone exits their lives, are tough to handle.
Therefore, they may hold on to people that they know are not suitable for them. They might aim to secure the approval of people they do not particularly like and come across as “people pleasers.”
Physical Symptoms of Anxiety
People with anxious attachment styles might also be prone to common physical symptoms of anxiety. If they believe their partner or another loved one is upset with them, they may experience stomachaches, headaches, or shakiness. This reaction can also occur if they know they need to talk to their partner about an issue bothering them.
The thought of their partner potentially leaving because they voiced their concerns could be enough set to off a physical anxiety attack. Managing these physical symptoms can be unpleasant at times.
—
Do you suspect that you developed an anxious attachment style during your childhood? Is this affecting your relationship with your partner as an adult? Relationship counseling can help.
Reach out to me today to discuss your options for scheduling your first session or visit my relationship counseling page.