Recently, I had the opportunity to reflect on how we navigate life’s unexpected bumps.
I was traveling to an unfamiliar location. Therefore, I input the destination into my GPS. I felt comfortable as I began to drive.
However, traffic changed, and the selected route changed with it. If I had known where I was going then maybe this wouldn’t have been such a big deal. However, since the place was unfamiliar, I immediately became anxious.
Of course, there are many different ways to get to one destination. Between WAZE, Google Maps, and all of the other tools available, I even had the information that I needed to get to where I was going. Nevertheless, I felt anxious.
What I needed more than those apps was flexibility.
What Is Psychological Flexibility?
Oftentimes we react to life as though we are on autopilot. Life has taught us certain things over time. Therefore, we have a set of beliefs, ideas, and reactions that we fall back on.
Psychological flexibility is the opposite of autopilot.
When we are flexible we:
React fluidly in the present moment
Take new information into consideration
Open ourselves to a range of possibilities
Believe in the benefits of change
In other words, we navigate life’s unexpected bumps with a bit more ease. When plans change or expectations aren’t met, we find creative new solutions.
Flexibility Doesn’t Mean Giving up Goals
Sometimes it feels like we have to be rigid in our approach in order to meet our goals. However, that’s not necessarily true.
Let’s return to the example of when I was in my car. I knew my destination. However, traffic was blocking my intended path of getting there. I could have easily chosen a different path. Changing my path would not have deterred me from reaching my endpoint.
In moments like this, I believe that we need to stretch ourselves into flexibility. In fact, we have to have faith that being flexible will allow us to reach our goals.
Anxiety When You Navigate Life's Unexpected Bumps
Anxiety presents challenges when you have to navigate life’s unexpected bumps.
If you have a plan in mind, then you feel safe. However, when there’s a wrench in the works, your sense of safety is threatened.
The more anxious you are, the more you want the original plan to just work. However, the more rigid you are about clinging to that plan, the more anxious you get.
Practicing flexibility is frightening when you have anxiety. Nevertheless, it is a skill that actually helps with anxiety over time.
If you can learn to be more flexible then you can respond to the present moment without fear.
Building the Skill of Flexibility
Psychologist Jack Kornfield lists “flexibility” as one of the healthy states that are natural to us when we are at our most free and open. You can trust yourself to reach your goals even when you have to navigate life’s unexpected bumps.
The more practice that you get, the more flexible you can become.
Here are some tips for building flexibility:
Get lost. Set out on walks and drives with no destination. Be open to what you find.
Practice mindfulness techniques. Learn ways to be present in both body and mind.
Say yes to new experiences. Have a curious mind.
Ask yourself “why” and “what if” rather than assuming you know an answer.
Practice empathy. Relating to others’ viewpoints opens new worlds.
Of course, you will make mistakes. That is all part of the process. It is how you react and adjust that makes all of the difference.
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