It can be incredibly challenging to accept circumstances that we did not want to sign up for. But ultimately, acceptance is the only way to deal with reality as it happens.
Sometimes, we fall into the trap of wanting the world to meet our expectations. In turn, we try to dismiss the things we do not want to deal with because it can feel too painful.
Throughout this year, we’ve all had to endure a sense of loss due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Some have lost loved ones, jobs, or homes, while others have canceled meaningful plans and put their lives on hold.
It can be tempting to shut down and refuse to accept what’s happened. However, living in denial does not serve us. Here’s how we can shift our outlook and find our way to acceptance, even in these difficult times.
The Pain of Longing
Often, our first response to a loss of any kind is an expression of longing. We spend so much time wondering what it would be like if things had turned out differently. We might even try to bargain with the universe, asking if we could have what we lost back on the condition that we change our behavior.
It is still vital to experience this feeling and acknowledge the pain and disappointment of loss. We need to fully feel our pain before we can begin to move past it.
Protesting Your Circumstances
When something goes wrong, we can’t help but protest our circumstances. We may dwell on how unfair it is. Perhaps you’ll catch yourself saying things like, “I don’t deserve this!”
Unfortunately, tragedy can strike anyone, and crises can happen at random. If you do have the opportunity to change your circumstances for the better, protesting can be useful. But at a certain point, you may have to let go of protesting and work towards acceptance instead.
Understanding Acceptance
What does it mean to accept something? It doesn’t mean that you have to surrender to your circumstances and give up on creating a better future. It merely means acknowledging the reality of your situation and all of the challenges that come along with it. And it means letting go of the expectations that you once held to make room for something new.
“So Be It”
Learning how to say, “so be it” is a crucial skill for acceptance. And all you need to do to get into the habit is to say it out loud!
It may feel a little silly at first, but this can be genuinely helpful. You can even add a hand gesture by putting both of your hands in front of you as though you are blocking yourself from what is coming your way. Try actually pushing away the distressing situation or interpersonal conflict that you are struggling with. Notice the boundary that gets created in the space between the hands pushing away and your body. It is a space that is symbolic as well as pragmatic.
Regularly practice saying “so be it” as you push away that which must be pushed away. Using this skill can help you release yourself from what can’t be. It’s a boundary — the place between where you once were and where you can begin looking forward to brighter days.
Practicing Acceptance
Can you practice another skill for acceptance? Yes. You may want to incorporate the Meditation on Acceptance and Resilience into your routine. By listening to this guided meditation and following along, you will slowly deepen your understanding of what acceptance is all about. And you don’t have to wait until disaster strikes to listen — you can try it at any time to open your mind.
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Are you struggling to practice acceptance rather than resistance? Learn more about Therapy for Anxiety and understand the value of acceptance and saying, “so be it.” Reach out to me today to discuss your options for scheduling your first session.